McKenzie Friend Blog post: Over the years working as a McKenzie Friend I have helped lots of “Davids”

Over the years working as a McKenzie Friend I have helped lots of “Davids", Perhaps you know him ? David is 45 years old.

David's long marriage ended and because of the terrible atmosphere in the house he moved out of the family home, leaving his wife and children in their home. David didn’t leave with a clear agreement on the arrangements to do with the divorce. Months later David hasn’t seen his children for months. He feels threatened and overwhelmed by the animosity and controlling behaviour he encounters when trying to have discussions with his wife. He feels they should have child focused, shared parenting discussions over the time the children spend with both of them or how they should divide their marital assets. David wants to sell the family home and she doesn't.



David finds his soon to be ex-partner impossible to try and calmly communicate with as any attempts at a reasonable discussion are met with high emotions due to unresolved bad feeling about the relationship ending.

David finds her very emotional and controlling. He doesn’t know what to do to move the situation forward, is close to responding emotionally himself and he is being encouraged by friends and family to get into a battle mentality. David senses that attempts to resolve this situation by email or talking will not positively move matters forward, which is what he wants to do.



David needs help with keeping his emotions in check and knows he needs to take action, rather than freezing on the spot and doing nothing, which he has done for the last few months. David doesn’t know yet that he needs the help of a McKenzie Friend.


 David is struggling emotionally because he is prevented from seeing his children. This is effecting his ability to think straight and visualize how to positively move the situation forward.



David found when he spoke to a family lawyer he came out of the room more confused than when he went in because they spoke in a different legal language to how he thinks or speaks.

He asked questions, they answered but it just seemed like they dodged answering them at the same time. He felt no clearer than when entered their office.


David would really appreciate advice from someone who had actually been through such a situation and had managed to get through it to a positive outcome.



David’s friends are starting to overwhelm him with negative horror stories of family courts and social workers and this is starting to get him down and thinking negatively that he won't see his children again. He knows he had always been a very child-focused father and that his children love him. One of his friend say have you heard of a McKenzie Friend? It’s an alternative to using a solicitor where you present your own case in court but get mentoring and emotional support to understand and increase chance of a successful outcome.

The McKenzie Friend mentors you to understand the court process, cope emotionally and have the confidence to stand up in court and talk to a judge.


David is articulate and can communicate clearly in his day to day working and personal life and he's normally quite good at problem solving.

He feels a McKenzie Friend could be just what he needs to get his head together on these difficult divorce issues and know his options without the legal jargon. Once he is sure of what is involved he feels he could start to plan how to move forward.



David would love it if the McKenzie Friend could provide some emotional support to enable him to think straight and help him devise his own way forward. He is open to consider how he approaches things going forward as anything has to be better than this.


He can’t afford the high legal fees the family lawyer was quoting and they seemed vague on what they would actually do or how high the fees could go.

David knows if he tried to resolve this himself by going through court on his own his emotional responses would take over and he would feel too much pressure when faced with a solicitor and judge.A McKenzie Friend sound like the perfect solution


. David just needs help to keep it together. He knows deep down he could do this if he had the right support to communicate in relevant, focused ways and not be emotionally triggered or distracted.

He is open to hearing proven strategies that reduce could reduce the conflict over time. It might help him to hear examples of how other people have also got through similar challenges. That would probably pick him up, instead of the horror stories his mates keep on telling him. He knows if he could understand how family courts really work then he could sit down and make a plan of how he wanted to move forward. It might be a challenge but one he feels up to with the right support behind him, helping him consider his actions and options